Parenting -- Basic Errors
Whenever kids are out of control, you can take comfort from the thought that even God’s omnipotence did not extend to God’s kids. After creating heaven and earth, God created Adam and Eve. And the first thing He said to them was:
“Don’t…”
“Don’t what?” Adam replied.
“Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.” God said.
“Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve…we got Forbidden Fruit!”
“No”
“Yes”
“Don’t eat that fruit!” said God.
“Why?”
“Because I’m your Creator and I said so!” said God, wondering why he hadn’t stopped after making the elephants.
A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry…
“Didn’t I tell you not to eat that fruit?” God asked.
“Uh huh,” Adam replied.
“Then why did you?”
“I don't know,” Eve answered.
“She started it!” Adam said.
“Did Not!”
“DID so!”
“DID NOT!!”
Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed.
But there is a reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
---Chris---
“Don’t…”
“Don’t what?” Adam replied.
“Don’t eat the forbidden fruit.” God said.
“Forbidden fruit? We got forbidden fruit? Hey, Eve…we got Forbidden Fruit!”
“No”
“Yes”
“Don’t eat that fruit!” said God.
“Why?”
“Because I’m your Creator and I said so!” said God, wondering why he hadn’t stopped after making the elephants.
A few minutes later God saw the kids having an apple break and was angry…
“Didn’t I tell you not to eat that fruit?” God asked.
“Uh huh,” Adam replied.
“Then why did you?”
“I don't know,” Eve answered.
“She started it!” Adam said.
“Did Not!”
“DID so!”
“DID NOT!!”
Having had it with the two of them, God’s punishment was that Adam and Eve should have children of their own. Thus, the pattern was set and it has never changed.
But there is a reassurance in this story. If you have persistently and lovingly tried to give them wisdom and they haven’t taken it, don’t be hard on yourself. If God had trouble handling children, what makes you think it would be a piece of cake for you?
---Chris---
Women- The Weaker Sex? Really!
Statisticians say, Women live an average of five years longer than men. That shouldn't be a surprise. That's life. It begins with girls playing less violent games. As girls grow up, they play the same sports as boys; but they don't play them as violently. Unlike boys, when girls grow from adolescence to womanhood, they're not limping.
Women are built to propagate - to carry a growing life from fertilized egg to newborn. Carrying a baby for nine months changes a woman's perspective more than it changes her figure. We see their lives change and make necessary adjustments. Not fitting into the same size jeans is usually one of the biggest adjustments. When a man's jeans don't fit, he buys a larger size.
On men fat is called beer bellies or love handles. On women fat is called fat – what double standards! Vanity motivates women to take better care of themselves.
Women go to the doctor more than men do. We don't see it as a sign of weakness. We see pain as a sign that something is wrong. Of course, if it's a pain in the neck, it would probably be more helpful for us to go to a marriage counselor.
Today women are on the go as much as men. Being on the go in heels teaches us the importance of balance in our lives – but not in our checkbooks.
Women ask directions - not just about how to get somewhere, but also how to get through life. Friends, religious leaders and psychologists show us the way and make it less bumpy. Men just keep driving and expect shock absorbers to take care of all the bumps.
Maybe a man's inability to ask directions stems from his inability to share his feelings. When men get together, they share exaggerations. Married men have more time to exaggerate because they live longer than single men. That shouldn't be a surprise. That's marriage. When a man gets married, he not only gets a wife, he also gets a housekeeper, a cook, a nurse, a social secretary and a lover. If he has children, he gets a nanny too. For men marrying is like one stop shopping. Women would outlive men by more than five years if they had wives.
---Liz---
Changing Trends in Parenting…
Times are changing fast. I know I’m not old enough to start using this cliché. But as I see my cousins (twins) growing up I wonder how the parenting basics have changed.
My parents spent more on baby equipment and baby food. My Aunt spent more on the nanny till beginning of this year and now she’s spending a fortune on daycare.
My parents had to be tough with me. Sometimes when I’d cry, mom used to simply ignore me. That’s how I learnt that crying was not the ultimate tool. My mom was the boss of me, and not the other way around.
My Aunt Beulah can’t do that. If she ignores any of the whining acts, the twins just start throwing stuff around, anything they can lift. Thank GOD they can’t move the furniture.
Last Tuesday Mrs. Baig left little Saira at Aunt Beulah’s house for a few hours. Saira said she did not want to play with the twins saying that their monster trucks were not pretty (as her Barbie). The twins cut Saira’s hair while Aunt Beulah was in kitchen making choclate-milkshake for all three of them. Aunt Beulah was horrified. She grounded the twins for a week. No TV, No Choclate, Nothing for a week. Yesterday evening, she opened her book only to find a live lizad for a bookmark.
I remember how we made predictions about what the twins will turn out to be when they turn 18. Now I worry more about how my Aunt will turn out by the time the twins are 18.
Uncle Peter once gave me a useful piece of advice for when I have kids. "Never have more children than you have car windows" He said.
---Liz---
My parents spent more on baby equipment and baby food. My Aunt spent more on the nanny till beginning of this year and now she’s spending a fortune on daycare.
My parents had to be tough with me. Sometimes when I’d cry, mom used to simply ignore me. That’s how I learnt that crying was not the ultimate tool. My mom was the boss of me, and not the other way around.
My Aunt Beulah can’t do that. If she ignores any of the whining acts, the twins just start throwing stuff around, anything they can lift. Thank GOD they can’t move the furniture.
Last Tuesday Mrs. Baig left little Saira at Aunt Beulah’s house for a few hours. Saira said she did not want to play with the twins saying that their monster trucks were not pretty (as her Barbie). The twins cut Saira’s hair while Aunt Beulah was in kitchen making choclate-milkshake for all three of them. Aunt Beulah was horrified. She grounded the twins for a week. No TV, No Choclate, Nothing for a week. Yesterday evening, she opened her book only to find a live lizad for a bookmark.
I remember how we made predictions about what the twins will turn out to be when they turn 18. Now I worry more about how my Aunt will turn out by the time the twins are 18.
Uncle Peter once gave me a useful piece of advice for when I have kids. "Never have more children than you have car windows" He said.
---Liz---
Kiss and make up (or make-out, whichever suits you)
Every now and then a quarrel breaks out amongst guys, lines are drawn, challenges leveled and, with any luck, somebody walks out with very few blood stains. All over a seemingly innocent discussion: What is the greatest sport on earth?
Some say "Football". Some say "Cricket". Some even nominate "Golf".
My Girlfriend says KISSING. "Yes, kissing is the greatest sport on earth" she says. And she has reasons too, that I totally agree with.
Kissing is the most versatile sport around. There are so many types of kisses to choose from – at least one for just about any occasion. There is the quick peck on the cheek kiss, the peck on each cheek kiss, the peck on your nephew's cheek while grabbing the other cheek, the wildly passionate kiss, the elegant kiss on the hand, the dreaded kiss of death, the "Hey you! Kiss this"
The Art of Kissing Is Easy.
It really doesn't matter where you are. You can kiss: at the gym, in the boardroom, in the space shuttle, even in Antarctica during the ice-bed melting period.
Kissing requires so little equipment, which means you can do it even when not prepared for the occasion, and even when you have to travel light. This makes it the ideal participation sport for businessmen, world travelers.
Kissing always livens things up. Try this: the next time you are in an oh-so-boring boardroom meeting that seems to last oh-so-forever, why not just kiss somebody. Go ahead; try it. See how it livens things up?
Kissing is not legally punishable in most countries. Rumors are circulating that kissing in public will even be legalized soon all over the world, except for Afghanistan & Iraq may be.
Kissing is 100% biodegradable, so when you kiss somebody, you don't pollute the environment.
Kissing is safe to do in a moving vehicle, as long as you are not driving.
Kissing is non toxic... unless you kiss somebody who has just gulped down a bottle of baygon-spray. Even so, kissing is still safe, as long as you do not stick your tongue down the person's throat.
Kissing is non-fattening. This is perhaps the best news of all, because dieters now have something to keep their mouths busy while not eating, and smokers can quit smoking without having to chew candies.
Kissing is organic, low in sodium, preservative-free, low in saturated fats and does not contain dozens of confusing ingredients that cannot be pronounced, like javelchromopntheoremicherbicidic acid.
Most kisses are not tested on animals, but who am I to stifle your sense of adventure?
You can kiss just about everyone: your lover, your aunt, your spouse, your kids, your doctor. Don't try kissing them all at the same place, though... especially not your lover and your spouse, if they are two different individuals.
Kissing meets the toughest safety regulations of any national or international sporting organization. Kissing has a tremendous safety record, except for when the other person is not in a mood (or wants to kill you, for which I suggest you run for your life).
In ordinary cases recorded deaths involving kissing are by third parties only, usually wives, husbands, spurned lovers.
Extreme Kissing is NOT recommended. For instance, don't kiss an on-duty garbage truck; it is considered dangerous. Don't kiss a metal fence-post in sub-zero weather; readers in northern climates know exactly what I mean. Don't kiss any electrical outlets, or you'll loose the zeal forever. It's OK to kiss sandpaper, just don't use your tongue. Don't kiss an operating chainsaw; I feel this one is self-explanatory.
But overall, kissing is so great that it makes Cricket, Football or Basketball seem like little league sports. Next time you encounter the guys arguing over this, just go in and give everyone a kiss.
I guarantee that you will win the argument hands down. And if not, at least you will make some new friends to argue with. Or you may end up declaring that you are gay, if it wasn't known already.
Note: Do Not replace "kiss" with any other word as it will mess up the meaning of a lot of sentences used in the above article to unimaginable extent.
---Chris---
Is Formal Education Overrated?
A day after her eleventh birthday my sister has posed a fundamental question:"If I want to become a fashion designer or singer why do I need to go to school?"
I don't really have a good answer.
As the participants on 'Paanchvi Paas' have demonstrated, most of us don't remember anything we actually studied in those classrooms. Forget the stuff like trigonometry or calculus, basics bhi gul hain.
Looking at the 6th standard CBSE textbooks I would say that by the end of this year Rebecca would have learnt all the stuff we really need to know in life. ie
Reading & writing: English, Hindi
Basic maths: addition, subtraction, multiplication, division
Basic science & social studies: Basic anatomy & physiology of human body, Introduction to democracy, different parts of India and the World, etc.
But no, she will have to plod on to higher classes and study more. 10th, 12th and then some form of college. Why? Well, these are the reasons I could think of:
Because I did it, he did it, she did it, they all did it. You gotta do it to be known as 'educated'.
Because any document you apply for - passport, visa and bank account - you will be asked for educational qualification.
Because without a formal certificate/ diploma/ degree you will be counted in the 'illiterate' category even if you are more street-smart and excel at your profession.
Besides, I said. What if you change your mind and want to do something other than fashion design when you are 16? You can't go back and rejoin 7th standard. She doesn't buy it.
In my heart I know the answer. It is me as an elder sister who is afraid to make my little sister an exception to the rule. Even if I know that part of this creative little soul is deteriorating everyday on that wooden bench, copying Q & A from the blackboard.
Although there are brilliant examples of parents who are choosing home schooling.
The other day I read about Mr. Narayanan who withdrew his two sons from formal schooling. One of them is now a wildlife photographer and the other, an origami artist.
Our decision to pull them out came when Shivaram returned from Mumbai after wrapping up an Origami programme where over 3000 children participated. He had missed his half yearly exams and wrote them on returning. Quite predictably he did not do well as he had no time to prepare. But, the school authorities said that we had our priorities all wrong and that his talents in this little known art would get him nowhere. Studies and marks was all that mattered to them. So, we decided that we would not allow the system to drown our children's talents - whatever the field may be.
The Narayanans enrolled the boys in the National Institute of Open Schooling (NIOS) which gave them ample time to develop other interests. Well, hats off to them, but I don't have the energy or the devotion to go down that path.
At the end of the day, I rationalize, Rebecca is just a kid and school is where she is learning valuable social skills. And the System is also teaching her that life means buckling down and doing things you don't really want to do or like to do. Because they have to be done.
She may want to spend the evening exploring her many birthday gifts. But that will have to wait until after she completes her workbook. And while she does that, I continue to ponder on that question... Unable to frame an answer that will make sense to her.
---Liz---
The Matrimonial Carnage!
"Beautiful, fair, tall ( 5'4" – 5'7" ), 20-25 age group, convent-educated, homely girl from good social background sought for young man belonging to wealthy industrialist family, owns palatial house at Banjara Hills" Liz read out the lines for me, loud and clear.
"See this? A typical alliance seeking ad from the matrimonial paper today. A beautiful, fair, tall, convent-educated, 20 something girl from good social background, should never read this in the first place. She'd expect a little romance in the proposal, don't you think? Still if a girl responds to this I guess it's just sad." She spent the rest of the time quoting a few more examples trying to impress on me how surprised she was by the element of specificity in the alliances being sought. Her point was that all this arranged marriage marketing was just unromantic and sad. That's Liz. She is a sucker for love stories, flowers and anything that is remotely romantic. To her, if it's not romantic it's just sad.
I was taken aback too. But the things I noticed were rather different.
Tall (5' 4" – 5' 7"). What the hell is that? Isn't that deep level of detailing really a little absurd? Let it mention the foot size as well then, shall we? Say 7(Indian size).
By convent-educated, I hope it is clearly understood that the applicant must mean a virtuous non-lesbian virgin. Please provide attested documentary evidence if hymen ruptured while jogging, cycling etc.
The proposal starts with emphasis on complexion, FAIR it says. Clearly, applicants with wheatish and darker skin tones need not respond to this ad. OK, so it's not only endorsing color differences but also perpetuating it. Some people can't help this deep-seated belief in white supremacy that I guess has been instilled into us since the time the British ruled India. In a way, this love of fair skin does reflect some degree of mental slavery because of not being able to come to terms with the true nature of our self-identity. We desire this other that we consider superior in some sense, and this other controls us to some degree as we cannot seem to control the desire for it. Maybe one day things will be different but for now, if you happen to be dark then sorry sweetheart.
"See this? A typical alliance seeking ad from the matrimonial paper today. A beautiful, fair, tall, convent-educated, 20 something girl from good social background, should never read this in the first place. She'd expect a little romance in the proposal, don't you think? Still if a girl responds to this I guess it's just sad." She spent the rest of the time quoting a few more examples trying to impress on me how surprised she was by the element of specificity in the alliances being sought. Her point was that all this arranged marriage marketing was just unromantic and sad. That's Liz. She is a sucker for love stories, flowers and anything that is remotely romantic. To her, if it's not romantic it's just sad.
I was taken aback too. But the things I noticed were rather different.
Tall (5' 4" – 5' 7"). What the hell is that? Isn't that deep level of detailing really a little absurd? Let it mention the foot size as well then, shall we? Say 7(Indian size).
By convent-educated, I hope it is clearly understood that the applicant must mean a virtuous non-lesbian virgin. Please provide attested documentary evidence if hymen ruptured while jogging, cycling etc.
The proposal starts with emphasis on complexion, FAIR it says. Clearly, applicants with wheatish and darker skin tones need not respond to this ad. OK, so it's not only endorsing color differences but also perpetuating it. Some people can't help this deep-seated belief in white supremacy that I guess has been instilled into us since the time the British ruled India. In a way, this love of fair skin does reflect some degree of mental slavery because of not being able to come to terms with the true nature of our self-identity. We desire this other that we consider superior in some sense, and this other controls us to some degree as we cannot seem to control the desire for it. Maybe one day things will be different but for now, if you happen to be dark then sorry sweetheart.
A homely girl I guess suggests that the girl better be somebody who is content with a mindless domestic life, is respectful to in-laws and takes care of them whenever necessary, is happy to spend most of her life bringing up her future kids, and never says no when sex is required. Please understand that it is not easy to run a business empire and sex may be the only stress busting activity your husband would have time for.
But contrary to general notion this ad will receive response from girls. According to Liz this is sad. May be, may be not. May be the interested girls see this as an opportunity to get a husband belonging to wealthy industrialist family, to own palatial houses with typical Indian sop-opera style twin converging staircases… you know, the ones that look like a necklace, promise of luxurious life that is. So it is understood that a lot of girls who would be interested solely on the basis of reading this ad would have to be materialistic, most probably shallow and the kinds that are easily attracted to ostentation. So I would suggest that you weigh everything carefully if and when you respond to this ad, you gold-digging bitch.
But contrary to general notion this ad will receive response from girls. According to Liz this is sad. May be, may be not. May be the interested girls see this as an opportunity to get a husband belonging to wealthy industrialist family, to own palatial houses with typical Indian sop-opera style twin converging staircases… you know, the ones that look like a necklace, promise of luxurious life that is. So it is understood that a lot of girls who would be interested solely on the basis of reading this ad would have to be materialistic, most probably shallow and the kinds that are easily attracted to ostentation. So I would suggest that you weigh everything carefully if and when you respond to this ad, you gold-digging bitch.
---Chris---
